Moment-to-Moment Optimism

By Dr. Russ,

In this Dr. Russ Buss Week in Review, I share some of my moment-to-moment struggles to maintain my "Optimistic Stamina" frustrated by the gloom and doom of this shortened, nay lengthened, month of February.

The first week of February is over, with 3 more to go.  Despite my own advice to find ways to get through this month with a positive view intact, I am already struggling; fighting off a daily sense of February pessimism – how will I get through this month?

I do have to remind myself that, for me, getting through this first week is usually tougher than I think it should be because it is the anniversary of my father’s death.  After 11 years, the sub-conscious and subjective grief experience still affects my moment-to-moment emotional state.

I said FOCUS on fun, festivals, and football.  Today is the Super Bowl. Am I to believe that memories of the game and the array of “Super Bowl” ads are really going to sustain me until Valentines Day?  I’m not going to be doing anything special on Valentine’s anyway. Mardi Gras might be next, but I am not going to be in New Orleans.  FOCUS isn’t working for me, right now.

Inspirational quotes are wonderful, and I hope you are feeling more inspired by these than I am right at the moment.  “Failure” is not on my mind, but the daily struggle to keep making progress seems like I am walking through a mud bog.

Humph! Mud bog.  The family was sailing the backwaters of the Jersey Shore town, Stone Harbor, there were little inlets, lots of shallow water, and no wind.  We ran aground.

• “Rusty” (my childhood nickname to differentiate me from my Dad for whom I was named) "why don’t you get out and tow the boat?" I stepped into “high ankle” high mud, threw a rope over my shoulder, and began pulling the boat though the shallows; took about an hour before we got back to sailable water.  Not much fun, but we had some laughs and did get home that night.  Is the frustration of maintaining February “optimism” really more challenging than that the “mud bog?”

A high point of the week was sharing my TIP of the WEEK; my struggles with “failure” and attempts to deal with it during the college years.  “Failure;” now there is another word that ought to be eliminated from the dictionary of “optimism.”  I had fun creating the “Wizard of Pessimism” character.  He/she will be back.

If I knew that a couple out there rally read, studied, practiced and used one or more of the “Seven Positive Communication Skills of Highly Effective Couples,” I would have a very “high” moment of “optimism” erasing much of the February pessimism.

I suppose I could keep watching the Down’s Syndrome Grocery Store bagger video over and over, feel teary eyed, and then think that the mission to spread optimism is “worthwhile;” a nice, but temporary feeling. 

I’m beginning to feel a little like our “Struggling Optimist” who took the week off; maybe subconsciously I am trying to reflect the message that maintaining optimism requires “optimistic stamina;” constant work and practice to keep-up and develop the “skill.”




By Dr. Russ

Today is Just One Thing Day.  It is the day I answer the oft asked question:  Please, please Dr. Russ, tell us one more thing for another moment of OPTIMISM.  It is the day I issue the TIP OF THE WEEK. 

Tip of the Week: Failure only occurs when you stop trying and make it so.

In today’s post, I introduce a new passenger on the Dr. Russ Buss "bus," The Wizard of Pessimism.  I am pleased to have the Wizard of P along for the ride because she (or is it a he?) is frequently doubting and questioning the "optimistic wizardry" of Dr. Russ Buss.  Having to answer the Wizard of P’s many questions allows me to sharpen my message and improve my “optimistic wizardry.”

Here is how a recent conversation went between Dr. Russ Buss and the Wizard of Pessimism regarding the validity of this week’s TIP.

Wizard of P: Ok, Dr. Russ Buss, what if I get an F on a test; isn’t that a failure?
Dr. Russ Buss: Not if you keep trying to learn the material for a test re-do, the final exam or out of pure interest.
Wizard of P:  Did you ever fail a college class?
Dr. Russ Buss: No, and Yes. No – In my freshman year, I failed a calculus class, but the following summer I attended two summer sessions and took two calculus classes obtaining and A and a B.  I kept trying and therefore never failed.
Wizard of P: So what’s the YES of the story?
Dr. Russ Buss:  In my sophomore year, I enrolled in a third level calculus class which began at a much more advanced level than where the second summer class had ended.  I was taking it as an overload course, thought I didn’t have time to get caught up, got discouraged and stopped going to class, didn’t try to work something out with the professor, and took an F. In that case I made the failure so.
Wizard of P: I see, you are saying that as long as you keep working on the task or goal, failure is not possible.
Dr. Russ Buss: Correct!  Are you familiar with the Crazy Horse Memorial?
Wizard of P: You mean that huge statue of the famous Oglala Lakota warrior riding a horse?
Dr. Russ Buss: Yes. Do you know much about its history?
Wizard of P: No, not much more than it will be bigger than any other sculpture at Mt. Rushmore.
Dr. Russ Buss: In 1948 sculptor Korczak Ziolkowski began carving the statue out of the mountain, and it is still under construction even though Ziolkowski died in 1982.
Wizard of P: What happened then?
Dr. Russ Buss:  Ziolkowski’s wife and ten children carried on the project, now owned by the Crazy Horse memorial Foundation.  In 1998, the face of Crazy Horse was completed and dedicated.
Wizard of P: And today?
Dr. Russ Buss: The work goes on.  There is no deadline for completion and Ziolkowski’s legacy is that as long as work is being done on it, failure is not possible!!!
Wizard of P: Good story, but let’s turn to sports.  Sorry to tell you this Dr. Russ Buss, but if you lose the Super Bowl, the World Series or the Final Four, you have lost and therefore failed.
Dr. Russ Buss: Nice try, doubting Wizard.  It is only a failure if you make it so.  Sure the losing team feels disappointed and low and thinks, “What did I do wrong?” But, it is not a failure as long as the team re-examines the game, watches video replays, and tries to draw on the loss as an opportunity to learn.
Wizard of P:  What about the person who won “Biggest Loser” but then gains all the weight back?  Isn’t he/she a failure?
Dr. Russ Buss: Only when he stops trying to lose the weight.  And then, it is likely only a temporary failure until she re-starts a new health and wellness program.
Wizard of P:  OK, Dr. Russ Buss, let’s go back to that third level calculus failure because I think I’ve got you in “optimism-pessimism checkmate.”  You admit to a failure there, right?
Dr. Russ Buss: Not so fast my “pessimistic sidekick,” it was only a failure in third level calculus, but it turned out to be a major success of my life.
Wizard of P: What? Now I think you are blowing a lot of that “optimistic hot air,” and I am not riding in that balloon!!
Dr. Russ Buss: Just hear me out, you “nay sayer!” I learned something fundamental about myself from that experience.  I learned I had been following someone else’s dream and pursuing a math/science major that was not my passion.  The calculus failure allowed me the freedom to let go of a “false personal persona” and pursue what I had known (but was afraid to admit) was my passion – Psychology.
Wizard of P: I get it - A failure that starts the beginning of a new path is not a failure, is it.
Dr. Russ Buss: A+ for today’s lesson; GO TO THE FRONT OF THE BUSS!!!