Moment-to-Moment Optimism

By Dr. Russ,

The Dr. Russ Buss Optimism Week in Review

Optimism in Children

1.    Children need to encounter new life experiences without fear.  New experiences teach optimism when they are fun, joyful and filled with wonderment.   Then, the experiences reinforce and strengthen an internal belief that world is a place for exploration and learning.
2.    Anytime children engage in an activity that increases their belief that if they TRY to do, perform, or accomplish something, they CAN, they get a boost in optimism that is represented in the brain in permanent memory storage.
3.    Anytime children put on the “creative hat” without fear of criticism and judgment they learn to pursue goals with a sense of playfulness, being in control, and that anything might be possible.
4.    The more a child or adolescent feels emotionally connected and positively involved with the family and family members the more they have a sense of optimism bred by secure, stable and dependable relationships; a sense they are listened and responded to in a supportive facilitative manner.
5.    The summer is a great time to learn that effortful work leads to money of which a little can be saved and a little spent.

Teaching Optimism in the New School of the Future

6.    In the school of the future, optimism will be learned because students will be valued not only for their academic ability, but for their ability to think creatively, to communicate ideas, to facilitate collaboration, and to think non-verbally in visual-spatial domains.
7.    Can you imagine the optimism created in a classroom where teachers focus on how to learn from mistakes rather than how to avoid them?
8.    The school of the future will teach optimism by valuing students for their unique individuality as one student uses her artistic talent to contribute to the solution, another, his math skills, and a third her keen political/social awareness.  
9.    In the school of the future, each student will learn from the other in a community of optimistic experimentation and appreciation of hard work and “mastery.”

Creating and Experiencing Worldwide Interconnectivity for Optimism

10.    Hitchhike on the internet to experience the optimism of worldwide interconnectivity.  Click on “Meet-Up.com" and join up with others in face to face local Meet-Up Groups, post your stuff on someone’s Facebook “Wall,” or “bum a ride” and join a conversation on Linked-In.
11.    Workplaces in America might benefit from a formal English-style “tea break” where small groups of employees sit around a cup-a-tea, with milk of course, share stories and a bit a humor, gain a little optimism; no complaints allowed.
12.    At 80 she was not afraid to travel the world by herself, and she wasn’t afraid to give me, a stranger, a ride.  For ninety minutes, in the summer of 1965, we learned about each others lives, backgrounds and cultural heritage.  Once again my optimism soared as I felt I had made another significant connection to a stranger.
13.    For real optimism make it up close and personal.  Have a conversation with someone from a different generation, culture, economic background, or country.  Find out as much as you can about how he/she views the world and feel the interconnectivity of the “human condition.”

By Dr. Russ

In this Dr. Russ Buss Week-in-Review I start by describing ten core skills that have been mastered by the skilled optimist.  Please review this list the and decide how well you have developed each skill to a "Master Level of Competence." To further enhance your understanding this “Master Optimist” concept I share three excerpts related to this topic from blog posts this past week.

Ten Core Skills to be Mastered by the Skilled Optimist

A skilled optimist knows how to:

1. let go of a negative or setback in a matter of moments,
2. use failure and setbacks as opportunities to learn,
3. identify and differentiate what can be controlled from what cannot be controlled, and then focus on the controllable, 
4. continually tap into his/her own “creative zone” to solve problems, 
5. assume the risk of failure inherent in taking on challenging tasks and goals, 
6. expect and plan ahead for obstacles and roadblocks; revise plans and expectations in light of obstacles encountered and the experience of success and failure,  
7. seek out promising new opportunities,  
8. get inspiration and help from others,  
9. stay focused in the moment and on the process and “next steps” of goal accomplishment,
10. continuously self-monitor the presence or absence of a positive view in any given moment. 

Excerpts on “skilled optimism” from this Past Week

Excerpt 1 - Expect the unexpected: 

• The activity of sailing has much to teach about dealing with life’s day-to-day unexpected occurrences.   You learn quickly on a sailboat that there are many elements that you do not control such as wind, waves and weather.  You can only control your skill in manipulating the sail(s) and rudder in order to coordinate with the wind direction and manipulate the vessel through, around, and over the waves.  Occasionally, you get a moment or two of smooth “sailin’,” but most of the time you’re tacking, coming about, marking wind speed and direction, even hiking out over the side of the boat to keep it upright.  And, then without warning, the wind can die and you are becalmed.

Excerpt 2 - Strategies to Teach your Children to Make Themselves Smarter and Smarter

• Never tell your child they are smart.  Instead, tell your child they are getting smarter and smarter as they get older and with practice and hard work
• Take time to verbalize and demonstrate to your child how you make yourself smarter by practicing something like SUDOKU
• Do praise the child for practicing more difficult routines
• Play memory and problem solving games with your child to have fun practicing getting smarter
• Practice "deliberate practice" strategies in all areas of life including sports, mind games, social  skills, playing a musical instrument, learning to dance, meeting new people, and mastering knowledge and rituals of one’s religion.

When a child learns they CAN CONTROL INTELLIGENCE through their own effort, they become “Master Optimists” as they are able to shed the boundaries of self-limitations and accomplish the goals of their dreams.

Excerpt 3 - Honorable Moment of Optimism: 

• In such a moment, an individual chooses to act according to a value that sacrifices one’s own personal gain in favor of a greater good.  
  
• Why is such a moment a reflection of optimism?  Optimism is demonstrated because the individual has taken-on the more difficult and challenging path with a belief that in so doing he/she will be better prepared to meet the challenges of future difficulties.  Had the individual not chosen the “high road,” he/she would have been admitting that his/her ego is not strong enough to handle the “agony of defeat” associated with the momentary loss of a personal gain; cannot rise up again for a greater accomplishment on another day.



By Dr. Russ,

The Dr. Russ Buss Week in Review helps us use the OPTIMISM OF GREEN and NCAA basketball March Madness to manage the chronic complainer, parent a challenging child, and keep a balanced perspective on work and life.

Check out this BAKERS DOZEN TIPS gleaned from the past week of posts:

WEEK-IN-REVIEW

1. Underdogs do win. A “perfect” NCAA Men’s Basketball Bracket seeding would mean that the Final Four would be composed of all four number one seeds which has occurred only once in tournament history, March 30, 2008.
2.  Some underdog, come-from-behind, wins are awe inspiring for decades. Jim Valvano’s “Cardiac Kids” from North Carolina State came from behind to beat Houston to win the NCAA championship game in 1983.  At the end, Valvano ran all over the court looking for someone to hug.    
3. Tired of the chronic complainer?  Use the P from COMPLAIN to inspire - POSITIVITY – Play the Dr Russ Buss Glad About That Game.  Ask: a) Can you think of something worse happening or that could have happened? b) How can we turn that negative into a positive? Or c) What is the “Golden Opportunity” in that scenario.
4. Tell the CHRONIC COMPLAINER that the L in COMPLAIN STANDS FOR – LOOKING ELSWHERE – According to Jay Goltz, owner of five businesses in the Chicago area with really happy employees, it may be necessary to talk to the unhappy employees (one on one) and recommend they go elsewhere as this company is obviously not a good “match” for them.
5. When trying to deal with the CHROINIC COMPLAINER, remind yourself what the N in COMPLAIN stands for - NON-REACTIVITY – The more you are able to maintain a calm, quiet, and non-reactive demeanor the better chance you have of keeping the COMPLAINER on  MUTE.
6. Tip of the Week:  THINK GREEN FOR A MOMENT OF OPTIMISM
7. Optimists are OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS. Use Green to symbolize the opportunity for new growth, personal development and re-birth. Click HERE to try this practical application.
8. Optimists actively use their IMAGINATIONS.   Use a green shamrock or four leaf clover to symbolize the POWER of DREAMS to guide you to NEW levels of BEING.  Click HERE to try this practical application.  
9. Optimists MAKE IT HAPPEN.  Use some green object or possession past or present that symbolizes for you the YES I CAN/MAKE IT HAPPEN SPIRIT.  Click HERE to try this practical application. 
10.  Reflection – At what point does an optimistic child learn to incorporate pessimism?  As parents, how does our pessimism play a role in our child’s development and view of the world?  How do we monitor our own pessimism when dealing with the daily emotional, physical and financial struggles of raising a child with autism?  
10. Potential Answer – We practice “skilled optimism” ourselves.  We work on it daily.  We identify ways to learn and maintain an optimistic point of view and then strive to incorporate it in all of the aspects of our lives.  Yes it is repetitive and continuous…but it works!  These children live and breathe through us.  Their actions are a result of our daily interactions with them   
11. Time. Why is it that when we are kids time goes so slow and all we want to do is grow up, and now I can’t believe how fast time goes cruising by me? As we go from our young and formative years like an Olympian in a 100 meter a track and field race, and then through our adult years like we’ve thrown out the anchor, we are always fighting against time.
12. Acceptance.  I think I am finally becoming able to fully grasp the way to live this time of my life as a “road trip” per the advice of Dr. Russ.  It’s about acceptance.  It is simple to say, but not as simple to live.
13. What Defines ME???   I need not allow my work to define who I am and affect my happiness as much as I have in the past.  When we are in social situations our first question that we ask new people we meet is “so, what do you do?"  I just cannot allow the answer to this question to determine my happiness in life.  I was told once, “whenever your happiness comes from an outside source like a job, you’ll lose every time”.




By Dr. Russ, 

Saving the Light

I don’t know about you, but “jumping ahead” an hour in time for "day light savings" really messes with my optimism-pessimism continuum.   I preach about “staying in the moment.”  How the heck can I do that when I’m forced to jump an hour ahead at 2 am on March 14,  2010?  Then I think to myself: Is "saving the light" like "saving optimism?" hmm???

I am feeling disoriented and discombobulated having just skipped over many moments like a musical recording that jumps forward over a scratch and a patch of the song is lost to my ears.  It as if someone pressed “fast forward” through the best part of the movie leaving me to wonder how we got to the end.

Time Travel

Earlier this week I wrote: Stay in the moment because if you are not, you are in the past or the future and time travel has not yet been perfected.

This Dr. Russ Buss "week in review" is written from the perspective of time travel or how to stay in the moment while traveling through time.  Jumping ahead an hour feels like time travel to me; something has been missed or left behind.  I am definitely having some moments of difficulty adapting to this time change over which I have no control.  Or, do I?

Whining and Complaining

First I am going to wallow in a few moments of pessimism and air my complaints.  Yes, I too need a few moments to whine; even while knowing I’m supposed to “sweat-it-out!”

• Being on the western edge of a time zone, I get tired of darkness until 8am all winter.  I was just beginning to enjoy light at 6:30 to 7:00 am.  Now I will have to wait it out another month or so.
• I just don’t like that lack of control!!!
• On Sunday, I like to kick back and relax without the time pressure cares of the work week.  Now, I’m feeling pressured all day to make up for that lost hour.
• I keep thinking I have to choose between an hour of productivity and an hour of sleep.
• What is the purpose of Day Light Savings anyway?  What is the supposed benefit?

Ok. Whining time is over.  Let’s turn to some adaptation strategies.

Ten Tips for Maintaining Optimism during the Time Travel of Day Light Savings

1.    I could do what a colleague of mine does – she never admits to a change and keeps the clock in her office set to the same time all year.
2.    I could delay the time change like Scheherazade stayed her death sentence for 1001 nights with her clever story telling.  What is the loss of an hour compared to the threat of death from a disgruntled King?  Despite that hour of lost sleep I need to:  "stir in myself  the courage to get up and try one more time . . .”
3.    I must guard against a “set-forward” becoming a “setback.”  Like the employees left inside the organization with a job, looking out after downsizing, wondering about their future, I need to stop looking back for the lost hour and look forward to the new possibilities for a new perspective on time travel.
4.    Maybe I need to take control of the situation like the American Indians of New Mexico:  “The Navajo make the switch; the Hopi, surrounded by the Navajo, do not.”
5.    Perhaps I need to view the “jump forward” as a new opportunity for risk taking akin to my recommendations for the employee redevelopment planning after downsizing.
6.    A new hour could be symbolic of the dramatic first in the movie industries Oscar ceremonies that gave a female who directed a war film the first ever Oscar for Directing.
7.    I could view the hour as a symbol of  trying something new, breaking set and being seen in a new way as Mo’Nique did in her portrayal of a dark reprehensible welfare mother in “Precious.”
8.    I can remind myself that I already took a “jump ahead in time” earlier this week on the hopeful news that the “Tasmanian Devil just might survive after all.”
9.    I could take the view from the outer space viewpoint of Astronauts on the International space station who: “find it tough to think about time zones when latitude varies moment-by-moment as the sunrise and sunset is seen about every 45 minutes.”
10.    I think what I am going to do is turn the lights out at 9 pm tonight and set the clock ahead to 10 pm.  Now, I have control back over MY TIME; my OPTIMISM IS SAVED!!!!