Moment-to-Moment Optimism

By Dr. Russ

I forego a traditional “optimism-week-in-review” with on op-ed piece driven by the need to try to balance the thought provoking contrast of the high’s of Olympic competition and the lows over the death of a young adult which were so poignantly juxtaposed this past week. 

In a previous post, I raised the question: Why doesn’t the Dr. Russ Buss have any rear view mirrors?  The answer: “Because optimists look forward not back.”  

However, there are times when we are forced to look back: 1) when some activity or event has concluded and memories are all we have,  and 2) when someone has “passed-on” leaving only the spirit to carry forward and remembrances to embrace.

The Olympics ended a week ago Sunday among the Closing Ceremony celebrations for great effort, achievement, and international collaboration; grief over the tragic loss of a Georgian Luger; and the extinction of the 2010 Winter Olympic flame.  With extinction came simultaneous rebirth as the torch was lit that will carry the Olympic Spirit forever forward and to its next stop Sochi, Russia.

Everyone who participated, helped out, attended or watched the 2010 Winter Olympics on television has the opportunity to look back and hold on to some positive memory that can bring an uplifting feeling in any moment as the brain accesses that imagery making it conscious.  Whether it is the image of Kim Yu-Na breaking all figure skating records, Bode Miller’s quest for perfection, Apolo Ohno’s eight medals, Shaun White's half-pipe “flying through the air with the greatest of ease,” or brooms’ whisking the ice to get greater distance for a polished granite stone in Curling, each of us can store our own cherished moment for positive inspiration in the brain’s hippocampus.

While such memories can help manage our moment-to-moment moods, we are left with the lingering doubt about how really important such events are when we are confronted with the tragic loss of a young adult such as Olympian Nodar Kumaritashvili from the country of Georgia or our own “Struggling Optimist’s” young cousin.

There is no doubt that Moment-to-Moment’s “Struggling Optimist” has been faced with one of the most difficult tests to “optimistic stamina” that one can imagine – the death of a young family member.  Bill lost a young cousin, only 21 years old.  Bill’s aunt and uncle were his parents, and for parents nothing can be more dreaded than the loss of a child.

How do we cope with such a loss?  Lisa Wiley Parker’s comment places some perspective on the coping process by reminding us that:

• Secondly, as gut wrenching as your cousin's loss is, it will likely allow you to keep some elements of your job search in their proper perspective. I lost my step-father suddenly during a stressful time in my life.
  
• For a time after his death I was able to shrug off things that I normally would have made a big deal out of.
• There is a brief moment of clarity where we are able to recognize what really does/doesn't matter in life.
• Use this time to chase some things you may have feared in the past because the rejection, if it comes, won't hit you the way it may have before. You've been tragically reminded of what counts in this world...what's truly worth being upset about.

If Lisa is right such losses have the chance to actually increase our “optimistic stamina” as we place our everyday “stress ball events” into proper perspective – these are not life and death situations. 

We can remain calm, focus on “doing the next right thing” and model ourselves after the 911 operator who while facing the potential death of his newborn son, calmly coached his wife through life-saving actions that caused the infant to cough-up the plastic object that was choking him to death.


William Henry Nurmi II has a bachelor’s degree from Michigan State University and a MBA from the University of Phoenix. Bill has a background in operations management, logistics, and sales. Bill is an avid bicyclist and is a volunteer on the board of directors at the Mission of Hope Cancer Fund. He lives in Lansing, MI and is currently seeking new employment while serving as a Post-Graduate and Career Transition Fellow of Optimism with Moment-to-Moment Enterprises.  Bill’s Fellowship project entails writing about optimism and providing advice and consultation on marketing, sales, and new program development.  Today’s post is the fourteenth in a series that Bill is writing under the title: “The Diary of a Struggling Optimist.”

Preface by Dr. Russ:  Sometimes like Job in the Old Testament our spirit seems to be tested in unimaginable ways.  Bill has been unemployed for nearly five months.  He continues to seek employment without a fruitful result and he faces the cutoff of unemployment benefits if they are not renewed.  Now, suddenly and tragically he must cope with his grief over the death of a young cousin. 

Such times are truly a test for “Optimistic Stamina.” I really enjoy Bill’s posts because he normalizes the ebb and flow of positive spirit and self doubt that we all experience daily.  Bill demonstrates that it is possible to struggle with self doubt, in any given moment on a daily basis, and still remain a strong optimist. 

Optimists accept their self-doubts, but can recognize, describe and identify the source of the doubt quickly which allows for a chance to reflect and problem solve a way back to a positive and self-confident view in a matter of a few moments.

Job Search Interrupted by Tragic Loss

Since my last blog post, my family and I have experienced a loss of a loved one that was very sudden and tragic.  One of my cousins, whom I was close to, has passed. I mention this because it has taken a major toll on my job search process, of course. 

How Long to Grieve?

There is an amount of time when it is acceptable in this society to grieve and withdraw from daily activities that one has an obligation to.  However we also must go on at some point and resume our lives.  This process is difficult for me and I am not sure when this time is.  I suppose there is no right or wrong answer to this question. 

Guilt if I Do and if I Do Not

I have returned to my daily life for only 2 days this week to get some things done that just could not wait.  I feel guilt for this.  I feel as if I am being disrespectful to my cousin and his immediate family by leaving their side and returning to my home for a few days.  

I know in my heart that with the death being so recent means that it is not in any way inappropriate to not be fully back into normal activity, but I still feel guilt for not fulfilling my normal responsibilities as well.

One Exciting Lead

As a result of what occurred this past week I do not have too much activity to report back to you guys as far as my job search is concerned.  I have however sent a resume into a local logistics company that has two positions open.  This is very exciting to me as I am very interested in the position and it sounds like it would be a challenge for me. 

It was a position that was posted on the Michigan Talent Bank and forwarded to me by a friend who has graciously continued to help me with my job search for many months now.  I am grateful for this.  I have the name of a few contacts at the company and will be contacting them to try to ensure myself an interview. 

I will of course, like I have previously, report back any updates throughout the next week.  This is, out of many positions, one that I am more excited about than many others; wish me luck.

I Will Take the Advice of Dr. Russ

At this point I see that I need to really take the advice of Dr. Russ and treat this job search period of my life as a “road trip” so to speak.  Dr. Russ gave some advice to me in the preface of my post from a few weeks ago. (Look back or you will not know what the heck I am referring to).  This week is definitely one of the “traffic jams”, or “foul weather” times that Dr. Russ uses as an analogy for when life on life’s terms, so to speak, shows up at your door. 

I can in no way control certain outcomes in my life, just deal with them in an appropriate manner, with the help of trusted friends of course.  I thought that I have been treating this time in my life like a road trip as suggested.  In a way, I have, but not like I should be.  I have been on the “super highway” as Dr. Russ puts it, and have been breezing through towns on this journey like the wind through a valley.

Working on Taking Life One Day at a Time

I have not taken the time to really enjoy life as it is today, and NOT look for what is expected to happen tomorrow or next week.  This perspective is something I have always had trouble with, taking life a day at a time. 

I am a planner; I plan, analyze, and over analyze everything again.  When doing these activities, I also start thinking too much about the future and all the “what if’s” that could happen.  Yes, it is important to be prepared and organized, but not so much that there is no time to just enjoy today. 

I have a great life today, and I need to truly be thankful for that.  But, I sometimes find myself NOT feeling this thankfulness as I complain about outcomes to situations that are not to my liking. 

More updates to come on the resume I submitted this past Monday, and when I slowly pull myself back into the world of the living, I will be back at the job search once again.

BN
    

By Dr. Russ

Monday is Dr. Russ Busster Day, the day I post a list of TIPS to “BUSST-UP” any PESSIMISM standing in the way of your having a week filled with OPTIMISTIC MOMENTS.  Today’s Bussters are based on what we can learn ABOUT OPTIMISM from the athletes and events of the 2010 Winter Olympics being held in Vancouver, Canada.

More specifically – What can we learn about optimism from the possible answers to the question:  Why do the Winter Olympic athletes compete? Why do they risk life and limb to compete?

Olympic Sized Bussters

1.    2,732 athletes from 82 countries compete in 15 sports and 82 events for a total of 258 medals.  Less than 10% of athletes will go home with a medal; 90% will not medal.  

• Lesson of Learned Optimism:  A “skilled sports optimist” is aware of “base rate” probabilities for wining and losing.  They know they are not in control of the outcome, but also know they are in control of putting forth their best effort and performance.

2.    Bode Miller is an American downhill skiing super star. The news media which has us focused on the “hype” of who will have the biggest “Medal haul” finds Bode’s opinions on winning outside their view of the “mainstream.”  The news media appears to all about the hype of winning, the “Thrill of Victory” and refer to Bodie’s opinions on winning as “overly intellectual.” 

• Lesson of Learned Learned Optimism: Bode’s opinions, while at odds with the TV news media, are quite consistent with and illustrate the Dr. Russ Buss view of OPTIMISM. Check out the next four Bussters that contain Bodeisms shedding light on what we can learn about “skilled optimism.”

3.    The Miller mantra; the core of his beliefs is about chasing the perfect race as the priority, not chasing medals.

• Lesson of Learned Optimism:  I can only control how hard I work to perfect my skiing skill. Whether or not I win depends on some factors outside my control (e.g., skill, motivation and perfection of other competitors; perspective and biases of judges).

4.    Miller on gold medal as goal: “It depends on the manner of earning the gold medal.  If you achieve while racing for the pure enjoyment without getting entangled in all the other things that can surround an event, then that’s a worthy goal.”

• Lesson of Learned Optimism: Optimism is maintained by a focus on the intrinsic value of the activity, the “pure” enjoyment of the act; a focus breeds self-worth.

5.    Miller on winning: “Obviously you want to win, but you want to win by skiing a race that you’re proud of and you feel like you really challenged yourself and left it all out there.” 

• Lesson of Learned Optimism:  Optimism is best maintained by the satisfaction gained from taking on challenges and giving forth the best effort.

6.    Miller on racing: “. . . I come in and race hard and hopefully I can make the tactical decisions to make it down error free.  I want to make sure I find the gas pedal and press it to the floor.”

• Lesson of Learned Optimism: Optimism is maintained by a task focus, “doing the next right thing” in a tactical sense, and by the sheer thrill of engaging in the act itself – in his case – “flying down the mountain on the edge of 'being-in-control' and spinning wildly 'out-of-control.' "

7.    “Oh no,” thought Ohno as he was passed by three Koreans on the last lap. Apolo Anton Ohno looked like he would win a gold or silver in the 1500 meter short track speed skating final until three Koreans passed him with only a few meters to go.  Suddenly, two of the Korean skaters got tangled-up in each other’s skates and slid off the course. Ohno kept his cool and finished second.

• Lesson of Learned Optimism:  Ohno stayed focused on what he could control; remained a in position to take advantage of an opportunity the moment it came up.

8.    J. R. Celski, an American in his first Olympics, took third behind Ohno, and won the Bronze medal.  Five months earlier he crashed at the United States Nationals, sliced his thigh muscle with his skate almost down to bone, dangerously near femoral artery, and could have died.  Lying on the ice with a life saving tourniquet on his leg, placed there by Eric Heiden, winner of 5 Olympic speed skating medals, and now a physician,  he told his parents at “Its over.” – referring to Olympic dream and his speed skating career.

• Lesson of Learned Optimism:   Optimistic stamina is characterized by relative rapid recovery from the pessimistic moment of “It’s over.”  And, he found “optimistic inspiration” from Eric Heiden who wouldn’t let him accept “it's over,” and quickly got back on an intensive Olympic rehab schedule.

 

By Dr. Russ,

In this Dr. Russ Buss Week in Review, I share some of my moment-to-moment struggles to maintain my "Optimistic Stamina" frustrated by the gloom and doom of this shortened, nay lengthened, month of February.

The first week of February is over, with 3 more to go.  Despite my own advice to find ways to get through this month with a positive view intact, I am already struggling; fighting off a daily sense of February pessimism – how will I get through this month?

I do have to remind myself that, for me, getting through this first week is usually tougher than I think it should be because it is the anniversary of my father’s death.  After 11 years, the sub-conscious and subjective grief experience still affects my moment-to-moment emotional state.

I said FOCUS on fun, festivals, and football.  Today is the Super Bowl. Am I to believe that memories of the game and the array of “Super Bowl” ads are really going to sustain me until Valentines Day?  I’m not going to be doing anything special on Valentine’s anyway. Mardi Gras might be next, but I am not going to be in New Orleans.  FOCUS isn’t working for me, right now.

Inspirational quotes are wonderful, and I hope you are feeling more inspired by these than I am right at the moment.  “Failure” is not on my mind, but the daily struggle to keep making progress seems like I am walking through a mud bog.

Humph! Mud bog.  The family was sailing the backwaters of the Jersey Shore town, Stone Harbor, there were little inlets, lots of shallow water, and no wind.  We ran aground.

• “Rusty” (my childhood nickname to differentiate me from my Dad for whom I was named) "why don’t you get out and tow the boat?" I stepped into “high ankle” high mud, threw a rope over my shoulder, and began pulling the boat though the shallows; took about an hour before we got back to sailable water.  Not much fun, but we had some laughs and did get home that night.  Is the frustration of maintaining February “optimism” really more challenging than that the “mud bog?”

A high point of the week was sharing my TIP of the WEEK; my struggles with “failure” and attempts to deal with it during the college years.  “Failure;” now there is another word that ought to be eliminated from the dictionary of “optimism.”  I had fun creating the “Wizard of Pessimism” character.  He/she will be back.

If I knew that a couple out there rally read, studied, practiced and used one or more of the “Seven Positive Communication Skills of Highly Effective Couples,” I would have a very “high” moment of “optimism” erasing much of the February pessimism.

I suppose I could keep watching the Down’s Syndrome Grocery Store bagger video over and over, feel teary eyed, and then think that the mission to spread optimism is “worthwhile;” a nice, but temporary feeling. 

I’m beginning to feel a little like our “Struggling Optimist” who took the week off; maybe subconsciously I am trying to reflect the message that maintaining optimism requires “optimistic stamina;” constant work and practice to keep-up and develop the “skill.”