Moment-to-Moment Optimism

By Dr. Russ,

In this Dr. Russ Buss Week in Review, I share some of my moment-to-moment struggles to maintain my "Optimistic Stamina" frustrated by the gloom and doom of this shortened, nay lengthened, month of February.

The first week of February is over, with 3 more to go.  Despite my own advice to find ways to get through this month with a positive view intact, I am already struggling; fighting off a daily sense of February pessimism – how will I get through this month?

I do have to remind myself that, for me, getting through this first week is usually tougher than I think it should be because it is the anniversary of my father’s death.  After 11 years, the sub-conscious and subjective grief experience still affects my moment-to-moment emotional state.

I said FOCUS on fun, festivals, and football.  Today is the Super Bowl. Am I to believe that memories of the game and the array of “Super Bowl” ads are really going to sustain me until Valentines Day?  I’m not going to be doing anything special on Valentine’s anyway. Mardi Gras might be next, but I am not going to be in New Orleans.  FOCUS isn’t working for me, right now.

Inspirational quotes are wonderful, and I hope you are feeling more inspired by these than I am right at the moment.  “Failure” is not on my mind, but the daily struggle to keep making progress seems like I am walking through a mud bog.

Humph! Mud bog.  The family was sailing the backwaters of the Jersey Shore town, Stone Harbor, there were little inlets, lots of shallow water, and no wind.  We ran aground.

• “Rusty” (my childhood nickname to differentiate me from my Dad for whom I was named) "why don’t you get out and tow the boat?" I stepped into “high ankle” high mud, threw a rope over my shoulder, and began pulling the boat though the shallows; took about an hour before we got back to sailable water.  Not much fun, but we had some laughs and did get home that night.  Is the frustration of maintaining February “optimism” really more challenging than that the “mud bog?”

A high point of the week was sharing my TIP of the WEEK; my struggles with “failure” and attempts to deal with it during the college years.  “Failure;” now there is another word that ought to be eliminated from the dictionary of “optimism.”  I had fun creating the “Wizard of Pessimism” character.  He/she will be back.

If I knew that a couple out there rally read, studied, practiced and used one or more of the “Seven Positive Communication Skills of Highly Effective Couples,” I would have a very “high” moment of “optimism” erasing much of the February pessimism.

I suppose I could keep watching the Down’s Syndrome Grocery Store bagger video over and over, feel teary eyed, and then think that the mission to spread optimism is “worthwhile;” a nice, but temporary feeling. 

I’m beginning to feel a little like our “Struggling Optimist” who took the week off; maybe subconsciously I am trying to reflect the message that maintaining optimism requires “optimistic stamina;” constant work and practice to keep-up and develop the “skill.”




By Dr. Russ

Today is Just One Thing Day.  It is the day I answer the oft asked question:  Please, please Dr. Russ, tell us one more thing for another moment of OPTIMISM.  It is the day I issue the TIP OF THE WEEK. 

Tip of the Week: Failure only occurs when you stop trying and make it so.

In today’s post, I introduce a new passenger on the Dr. Russ Buss "bus," The Wizard of Pessimism.  I am pleased to have the Wizard of P along for the ride because she (or is it a he?) is frequently doubting and questioning the "optimistic wizardry" of Dr. Russ Buss.  Having to answer the Wizard of P’s many questions allows me to sharpen my message and improve my “optimistic wizardry.”

Here is how a recent conversation went between Dr. Russ Buss and the Wizard of Pessimism regarding the validity of this week’s TIP.

Wizard of P: Ok, Dr. Russ Buss, what if I get an F on a test; isn’t that a failure?
Dr. Russ Buss: Not if you keep trying to learn the material for a test re-do, the final exam or out of pure interest.
Wizard of P:  Did you ever fail a college class?
Dr. Russ Buss: No, and Yes. No – In my freshman year, I failed a calculus class, but the following summer I attended two summer sessions and took two calculus classes obtaining and A and a B.  I kept trying and therefore never failed.
Wizard of P: So what’s the YES of the story?
Dr. Russ Buss:  In my sophomore year, I enrolled in a third level calculus class which began at a much more advanced level than where the second summer class had ended.  I was taking it as an overload course, thought I didn’t have time to get caught up, got discouraged and stopped going to class, didn’t try to work something out with the professor, and took an F. In that case I made the failure so.
Wizard of P: I see, you are saying that as long as you keep working on the task or goal, failure is not possible.
Dr. Russ Buss: Correct!  Are you familiar with the Crazy Horse Memorial?
Wizard of P: You mean that huge statue of the famous Oglala Lakota warrior riding a horse?
Dr. Russ Buss: Yes. Do you know much about its history?
Wizard of P: No, not much more than it will be bigger than any other sculpture at Mt. Rushmore.
Dr. Russ Buss: In 1948 sculptor Korczak Ziolkowski began carving the statue out of the mountain, and it is still under construction even though Ziolkowski died in 1982.
Wizard of P: What happened then?
Dr. Russ Buss:  Ziolkowski’s wife and ten children carried on the project, now owned by the Crazy Horse memorial Foundation.  In 1998, the face of Crazy Horse was completed and dedicated.
Wizard of P: And today?
Dr. Russ Buss: The work goes on.  There is no deadline for completion and Ziolkowski’s legacy is that as long as work is being done on it, failure is not possible!!!
Wizard of P: Good story, but let’s turn to sports.  Sorry to tell you this Dr. Russ Buss, but if you lose the Super Bowl, the World Series or the Final Four, you have lost and therefore failed.
Dr. Russ Buss: Nice try, doubting Wizard.  It is only a failure if you make it so.  Sure the losing team feels disappointed and low and thinks, “What did I do wrong?” But, it is not a failure as long as the team re-examines the game, watches video replays, and tries to draw on the loss as an opportunity to learn.
Wizard of P:  What about the person who won “Biggest Loser” but then gains all the weight back?  Isn’t he/she a failure?
Dr. Russ Buss: Only when he stops trying to lose the weight.  And then, it is likely only a temporary failure until she re-starts a new health and wellness program.
Wizard of P:  OK, Dr. Russ Buss, let’s go back to that third level calculus failure because I think I’ve got you in “optimism-pessimism checkmate.”  You admit to a failure there, right?
Dr. Russ Buss: Not so fast my “pessimistic sidekick,” it was only a failure in third level calculus, but it turned out to be a major success of my life.
Wizard of P: What? Now I think you are blowing a lot of that “optimistic hot air,” and I am not riding in that balloon!!
Dr. Russ Buss: Just hear me out, you “nay sayer!” I learned something fundamental about myself from that experience.  I learned I had been following someone else’s dream and pursuing a math/science major that was not my passion.  The calculus failure allowed me the freedom to let go of a “false personal persona” and pursue what I had known (but was afraid to admit) was my passion – Psychology.
Wizard of P: I get it - A failure that starts the beginning of a new path is not a failure, is it.
Dr. Russ Buss: A+ for today’s lesson; GO TO THE FRONT OF THE BUSS!!!

By Dr. Russ

Today is February 2nd, the exact midpoint between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox.  It was reported that the ground hog Punxsutawney Phil headed back to his hole after seeing his shadow for the 100th time since 1887; oh well, six more weeks of winter. 

For me the significance of Ground Hog Day has nothing to do with winter and a ground hog. The day is significant because of the movie by that title starring Bill Murray in role of T.V. weatherman, Phil Conners, reporting on the event.  Murray gets stuck in what appears to be a never ending repeat of the day February 2, until he figures out how to get life “right.”  

I refer to this phenomenon as a “do-over” day.  Every failure in life is an opportunity for a “do-over.”  What do we mean by a “do-over” day?  Can we haul that ground hog out of his hole and see if he sees his shadow again?  Not exactly.  To do that would be a little like flipping a coin until it came up heads; not much of a challenge. A “do-over” requires effort and risking one’s ego against the possibility of another failure. A “do over-er” is someone who strives to make progress, no matter what; someone who expects failure to be part of the process for growth and improvement.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts from one of my cherished "little books:" Try Again, Fail Again, Fail Better by Herter Studio (Running Press, Philadelphia).

Ten Great Failure Quotes

•    Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. ~ Robert F. Kennedy
•    He who has ever failed somewhere, that man cannot be great.  Failure is the true test of greatness.  And if it be said, that continual success is proof that a man wisely knows his powers – it is only to added, that, in that case, he knows them to be small. ~ Herman Melville
•    Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.~ Winston Churchill
•    Its not that I’m so smart, just that I stay with problems longer. ~ Albert Einstein
•    My great concern is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with you failure. ~ Abraham Lincoln
•    To be an artist is to fail, as no other dare fail . . . ~ Samuel Beckett
•    Failure seldom stops you.  What stops you is the fear of failure. ~ Jack Lemon
•    Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
•    There is no failure. Only feedback. ~ Robert Allen
•    I have not failed.  I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ~ Thomas Edison

Eight Great Lifetime of Failure Stories

•    “Walt Disney went bankrupt. Several times.” (p.4)
•    In 1901 the Wright brothers who after failing in the launch of a glider predicted that man would not fly in their lifetime kept working. In 1903, after two failed attempts and a minor crash, Orville piloted the first successful powered flight in history for an amazing 12 seconds. (p.8)
•    In his 1933 screen test, Fred Astaire was told he couldn’t act or sing and could only dance a little. (p. 16)
•    “Babe Ruth struck out 1330 times during twenty two seasons of play.” (p.22)
•    “Vincent Van Gogh created over 800 paintings in his lifetime.  He sold only one.” (p.28)
•    British writer John Creasey accumulated 743 rejection slips on his way to publishing 562 books in 5000 different editions (p.30). Jack London received hundreds of rejections before his first story was accepted for publication (p.60). After 42 rejections Samuel  Beckett published his first novel (p. 64).
•    Elvis Presley, fired after one Grand ole Opry performance, was told “You ain’t goin’ nowhere son. You ought to go back to driving a truck.” (p.34)
•    Abraham Lincoln finally elected to congress on his 3rd try was not reelected; then failed in bids for the Senate and Vice President before being elected the sixteenth President of the United States (p. 46).

Hopefully, these quotes and stories will give you some insight and inspiration about how to live life as one continual “do-over” opportunity.

BECOME AN OPTIMISTIC “DO OVER-er!!!”

By Dr. Russ,

Today is Dr. Russ Busster Day. It is the day I provide practical tips to “busst-up” any pessimism facing you at the beginning of the week.  The New Year has rung in with lots of hope that 2010 will be better than 2009. Can we be OPTIMISTIC ABOUT OUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS?

We have made our New Year's Resolutions and already are wondering if we will be able to stick with them.  I know I have resolutions about losing weight, saving money, being more frugal with expenditures which are probably similar to the resolutions of millions of others.  I ask myself, Will I be able to stick to these resolutions for more than a week or a month? 

How do we keep working on those New Year's resolutions like a “skilled optimist?” 

Check out the TEN Dr. Russ Busster’s below.  Use these strategies to stick with your resolutions: MAKE THEM HAPPEN!!!

• One of the more common reasons that we do not stick to our New Year’s goals: we start right away with “action” with little thought or time given to planning how to accomplish the goal.

Consider this hypothetical example:

• Joe says he wants to lose weight.  He decides to exercise more.  He joins the local gym and gives a 1 month deposit.  He figures to work out an hour a day.  He says he wants to run a mile a day on the indoor track, and achieve a time of 9 minutes within six weeks.  He meets his goal of working out an hour a day the first week, but now realizes that going to the gym for an hour workout is really 2 hours of time (half-hour to get there and change; half hour afterwards to shower, dress and drive to work).  He times himself on the fifth day and finds it took him 15 minutes to run the mile.  His boss is starting to complain about him being late to work.  Joe is ready to “give-it-up.” He is feeling helpless and hopeless.

How can Dr. Russ Buss help Joe? 

10 Dr. Russ Bussters to Help Joe Stick to his New Year's Resolution

1.    Learn to differentiate between outcome and process goals.  An outcome goal is associated with success and failure.  A process goals is associated with effort and striving.  Generally, we are not in total control of “outcome goals,” but we have near total control of process goals.

2.    Joe could lower his “outcome goal” expectations since now he has a baseline for realistic goals setting.  Instead of a 9 minute mile, he might start with a 14 minute mile, then a 13 minute mile and so forth.

3.    Joe needs to realize that while outcome goals are one-dimensional, success vs. failure, process goals have multiple dimensions including “thinking about,” pre-planning, planning, consulting, learning, and “hang-in” around.

4.    “Think-in-about” and pre-planning involve daydreaming, researching, reading and otherwise contemplating a desired change.  For example, Joe might have done several “dry” runs to the gym to asses total time, thought about different times of day for his work-out, and read several “self-help” articles on exercise.  

5.    Planning is a more formal “think-in-the-process-through.”  It might involve a strategic running plan that involved weight lifting, stamina training and other recommended strategies to increase time other than “just running.”

6.    Determining is a process of making a commitment to the process goals and to continuing gathering information to revise them.  Commitment entails feeling and knowing the motivation is there to engage in the process.  A good way to assess “motivational commitment” is to visualize yourself engaged in the process.  If the visualization is vivid and associated with a positive feeling, motivation is likely high.  If not, a reassessment of commitment is needed.

7.    Getting help and consulting others are two additional process goals that help ensure “sticking with the cause.”  For example, Joe might have consulted his boss to work out an hour later start time while adjusting the end time; or vice versa.

8.    Expecting setbacks is an essential component to persistence.  By expecting them, we are prepared and are better psychologically equipped to revise the expectations; making new plans and goals.

9.    Taking action.  Actions towards our resolutions are most successful when we have done steps 1-8 above. The more process goals we have, the broader range of possible actions we can take in relation to the resolution.  For example, Joe may not be able to improve his run-time as quickly as he would like, but he can easily diversify his workout.

10.    Finally, if you can’t think of anything else – "just hang around the game.”  A very famous and now successful college basketball coach quit his “day job” 25 years ago and volunteered to help out with the team.  Soon he was awarded an assistantship, then assistant coach, 15 years later head coach and 6 years after that an NCAA Men’s National Championship!!! So Joe – if nothing else, go to the gym, hang out awhile, do something active, and your exercise program just might start to get some TRACTION!!!

How are you doing with sticking to your resolutions??? Make a comment and let us know.

By Dr. Russ

Wednesday is Just One Thing Day where you get your Optimism Tip of the Week.  The tip is designed to help you increase your moment-to-moment optimism potential. The key word for increasing your optimism potential this week is PRACTICE.

A number of years ago a famous basketball player, Allen Iverson, got into a spat with his coach, Larry Brown, of the Philadelphia 76ers.  Coach Brown had publicly chastised player Iverson for skipping practice.  When Iverson spoke to the media he made and repeated over and over the statement made even more famous by Letterman and Leno: “Hey man, it was just practice, man!”  “Just practice, man! Just practice, man!”

Iverson, an extremely talented shooting guard, perhaps one of the best to have ever played the game of basketball, went on to say that when he played in a game, he gave it his all and “left everything on the floor.”  In effect he was saying that practice was not that important, especially if one could go out on any given night and score 30 to 40 points.

Now, it might seem obvious that basketball practice is important to being fully prepared for a game.  It strikes me as less obvious that 'optimism practice' is thought of as even possible, let alone helpful to us for the game of life.  Did you ever hear anyone say they were going to their 'optimism lesson,' or going to 'practice their optimism'?  I hear people say all the time they are going to baseball practice, dance practice, piano practice, karate practice, but I don’t ever recall ever hearing anyone say they were going off to “practice their optimism.”

WHY THE NEED TO PRACTICE OPTIMISM STRATEGIES:  It is easy to be an optimist on a sunny day when we just got a pay.  It is easy for the pro quarterback to complete a pass during practice when there are no defensive players on his back. However in the game with three players about to crunch him to the ground, the 100 reps he did in practice allow him to make the pass in the clutch situation.  Just like the game time quarterback, we need our moment-to-moment optimism skills most: 1) after a failure, 2) when life throws us a curve ball, 3) when it is time to tough-it-out, and 4) in the face of a challenge.  Learning to keep track of something learned each day can be practiced to the level of positive habit formation.

TIP OF THE WEEK: TO BECOME A MASTER OF LEARNED OPTIMISM YOU NEED TO PRACTICE OPTIMISM STRATEGIES MOMENT-TO-MOMENT EVERY DAY

This tip of the week is based on the assumption that optimism is not a gift or a hereditary trait, but a learned set of daily-living strategies that can be taught and practiced to a point that a “Master” status can be achieved, just as in a Master Plumber, Master Carpenter, or “Master" of any skilled trade. 

Five Optimism Strategies you can begin practicing now!!!

Instruction:  Get at least five 3x5 index cards like the one’s shown below.  On one side of each card, write down a 1) failure, 2) curve ball, 3) tough situation, and 4) challenge.  On the other side of each card write what you may have a) learned, b) improved on, c) toughed out, or d) overcame.  On the fifth card keep a list of one thing new you learned every day for five days.   Keep these five cards in a pocket, purse, or on the car dashboard, bureau or bathroom mirror.  Read through them daily.  Make up a new set of five cards at least once or twice a week. 

Here is an example of five cards I made up:

CARD #1: FAILURE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN

CARD #2: A CURVE BALL OF LIFE IS  OPPORTUNITY TO IMPROVE

CARD #3: TOUGHING IT OUT IS BETTER THAN HAVING IT EASY

CARD #4: FAILURE IS A CHALLENGE, NOT A DEFEAT

CARD #5: LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY