Moment-to-Moment Optimism

William Henry Nurmi II has a bachelor’s degree from Michigan State University and a MBA from the University of Phoenix. Bill has a background in operations management, logistics, and sales. Bill is an avid bicyclist and is a volunteer on the board of directors at the Mission of Hope Cancer Fund. He lives in Lansing, MI and is currently seeking new employment while serving as a Post-Graduate and Career Transition Fellow of Optimism with Moment-to-Moment Enterprises.  Bill’s Fellowship project entails writing about optimism and providing advice and consultation on marketing, sales, and new program development.  Today’s post is the sixteenth in a series that Bill is writing under the title: “The Diary of a Struggling Optimist.”

Preface by Dr. Russ:  Time, acceptance, reality, back-up plans, self-definition, action, comfort zones, new opportunities and the birth of a Job Seekers Network have been on the “Struggling Optimist’s” mind this week.  Self-acceptance and taking responsibility for defining oneself may be Bill’s key insights today.  As I read through this blog entry, I am reminded of the not uncommon story of the couple desperately trying to conceive, finally accepting they cannot and will adopt, only to be surprised with conception soon after the adoption.

Time

Another week has passed by; they are flying by me at an alarming rate.  Why is it that when we are kids time goes so slow and all we want to do is grow up, and now I can’t believe how fast time goes cruising by me? As we go from our young and formative years like an Olympian in a 100 meter a track and field race, and then through our adult years like we’ve thrown out the anchor, we are always fighting against time.

Acceptance

This battle is a fight we will never win; so sit back and enjoy the ride.  I think I am finally becoming able to fully grasp the way to live this time of my life as a “road trip” per the advice of Dr. Russ.  It’s about acceptance. This seems simple enough and I am sure you are all saying, “Well, of course it is dummy”.  It is simple to say, but not as simple to live.

Reality Check

The fact is that I may not find the job that I really want, or a job that I go on to have for many years, right away.  I may have to take a job, or maybe two, to make ends meet for a while.  This is part of life, it will be fun; I am not sure where I will end up but it will be a learning experience nevertheless. 

Back Up Plan B, C, D and . . .

I am keeping in touch with local small business owners that own companies. Though they may not have my particular desired job; they could give me a job in the event I cannot find one.  This is my back up plan as far as employment is concerned. While having responsible plans gives serenity and an optimistic view, enjoying life is MY responsibility.

What Defines ME???

I’ve heard life is what happens when we are making other plans.  The point here is that I need not allow my work to define who I am and affect my happiness as much as I have in the past.  It is just part of our society to allow ourselves to be defined by our work.  When we are in social situations our first question that we ask new people we meet is “so, what do you do?"  There is nothing wrong with this question; I just cannot allow the answer to this question to determine my happiness in life.  I was told once by somebody I have a great deal of respect for, “whenever your happiness comes from an outside source like a job, you’ll lose every time”.

Action Eliminates Regrets

For anybody who’s wondering, I did make the call to the logistics company in Okemos that I sent the résumé to a week ago.  I have not heard back at all, but I do feel good that I made the call.  At least I attempted to make my resume not blend in with the masses; I cannot regret neglecting to call now. We will see what happens, but I am certainly not holding my breath at this point.

The Comfort Zone Beckoned

I have some more good activity to report back this week.  I said a few weeks back that I had the opportunity to help a friend a little in her catering business.  I was helping her with a few things and she asked if I would like to go to a political/legal fundraiser and help her out.  I thought about it, not really wanting to go, when I realized that this could be an opportunity to get out a meet more local, well connected, people that I may not come into contact at other events. DO IT Nurmi, I said to myself as I drove down the road. (Not paying attention to what I was doing).

New Connections and Family Spell Opportunities

Guess what?  I met a lobbyist that works here in town that I plan to get to know a little and have a professional relationship with.  I am back out there guys, back to the routine of networking and not being filled with angst and regret from sitting home.   In fact, I may be going to Maryland to interview for a job with the company my uncle works for; should be a fun road trip, literally this time.  I mentioned many, many weeks ago that I may not get any assistance from my uncle where this company is concerned, but I guess I was wrong and shouldn’t make assumptions like this.

Job Seekers Networking Groups

The fact that I am back out and about has great timing as well because the times and days are now decided and scheduled for the Job Seekers networking groups that are going to be held at MI Works (www.recruiteruncensored.com ).   I can’t wait for these groups to start; it will be fun to network with others who are in the same boat as I am.  We can exchange leads and be each others’ “eyes and ears” so we do not miss opportunities.  The fact that I have been an integral part of the origination of these groups has given me pleasure, as I have the ability to help others, while I also help myself.  This is really what life is all about.

BN

Today's guest blog comes to us from Autism/Behavior Coach Nichole E. Martin, M.A., founder of Essence of Behavior. Read on to see how Nichole dissects humor and optimism from an online cartoon strip featuring a child living with autism. 

On the Spectrum - An Autism Optimist 

As a guest blogger, I woke up this morning feeling overwhelmed by all the possible autism related thoughts I could write about.  Faced with a clock that read 5:40am and a hot cup of coffee, I turned to a comic blog, that I came across this past January, for inspiration.  On The Spectrum is a web comic written by Scott Lynn who shares his family's humorous and sometimes frustrating experiences of raising two autistic sons, Michael and Jacob (http://otscomic.blogspot.com).

In my early morning quest for “creative blogging,” I was able to narrow my optimism focus down to four particular comics, that while not all written from an optimistic point of view, provide an honest reflection of the daily life circumstances parents face when raising a child with autism.  It is the reflection of these every day situations that provide us with the ability to think optimistically…they make us laugh and they allow us to accept circumstances that we ourselves, in the moment, cannot control.   

On The Spectrum #65: Merry Christmas, 2009! - Assumptions

Sometimes as parents we make “things” more complicated than they need to be.  Children with autism often times continue to tell us what they need because of our inability to walk away from the “parent knows best” mentality.  From the time we are children, we are taught to “use the context clues”.  But what happens when we use those “clues” to assume the needs of others?  Assumptions have a tendency to obstruct our views and in this comic, Jacob has learned to permanentize his ability to obtain a rice crispy treat if he continues to request one.  It’s funny in this comic, Jacob is the optimist, the little engine that could!

On The Spectrum #62: Driving Miss Nutsy - Attention

In this strip, it is apparent that Scott has been in this situation before and Jacob has learned that when he bangs the pots, “Dad goes crazy”.  Again, Jacob is the optimist…why you ask?  Because Jacob’s ego has been strengthened by his ability to “drive you nuts”.  Scott’s best bet after an incident like this is to accept his flaws and past mistakes of providing attention to Jacob when he is banging pots and to focus on positively reinforcing Jacob when he does something appropriate with the pots instead.  

On The Spectrum #60: The loneliest professional - Innocence

 When raising children we strive to teach a set of rote responses to help identify the meaning of particular sets of people.  These tend to be optimistic in nature. “What does a doctor do?”  - Helps you when you are sick.  “What does a police officer do?” – Keeps you safe.   “What does a dentist do?” – Cleans your teeth!  Michael has expressed his disliking for the dentist, and his innocence is demonstrated in his ability to answer his father’s question under the idea that he is talking about a dentist, NOT his Uncle Dennis.  This particular comic is funny because again, Michael is portrayed to be the optimist.  He has recognized what he can and cannot control.  When his father asks, “What are you going to say to Uncle Dennis when you see him at Christmas?”  Michael (whether he knew it or not) recognized that seeing the dentist (uncle) was not within his control, however expressing his feelings about the dentist was within his control and therefore he answered the question appropriately.

On The Spectrum #70: The Pepsi Challenge – Persistence

One thing I absolutely love about working with children with autism is their persistence.  Give these children credit as they have mastered the art of Dr. Russ’s theory regarding “If there is a way, there is a will.”  Children with autism recognize that failure in the moment will not obstruct them from doing everything they can to get what they want.  They learn to generalize our responses across an array of disciplines, even when it is not our intent to T.E.A.C.H them to do so. 

Reflection – As we go through these instances of optimism, as they relate to children with autism, we have to ask ourselves… At what point does an optimistic child learn to incorporate pessimism?  As parents, how does our pessimism play a role in our child’s development and view of the world?  How do we monitor our own pessimism when dealing with the daily emotional, physical and financial struggles of raising a child with autism?  How do we continue to T.E.A.C.H our children optimism as they grow out of the innocence phase of life and into the phase of the social reality of daily living?  How do we help them maintain optimism?

Potential Answer – We practice it ourselves.  We work on it daily.  We identify ways to learn and maintain an optimistic point of view and then strive to incorporate it in all of the aspects of our lives.  Yes it is repetitive and continuous…but it works!  These children live and breathe through us.  Their actions are  a result of our daily interactions with them.  Taking the time to T.E.A.C.H them how to be optimistic will only prove to decrease their desire to make assumptions and increase their ability to learn self-monitoring and self-regulation.  Have a fabulous day!

I want to thank Dr. Russ for allowing me to be a guest blogger today.  I hope you have enjoyed the comics.  On March 27^th from 9-11am, Dr. Russ and I will be conducting an introductory seminar on “Optimistic Parenting for Children Living with Autism”.  Register today and learn about how to T.E.A.C.H optimism to children with autism!

Click HERE register for: Optimistic Parenting for Children Living with Autism.

By Dr. Russ

Today is Just One Thing Day; the day I provide a weekly TIP for a MOMENT OF OPTIMISM. Today is also St. Patrick’s Day, a celebration of Irish Culture with feasts, festivities and the color GREEN.

TIP OF THE WEEK: Think Green for a Moment of Optimism

Green is the color of Spring, Shamrocks, and four leaf clovers.  It is a color that signifies hope, rebirth and yes, OPTIMISM.

• On this St. Patrick’s Day morning 2010, I was at a business networking meeting and learned that a 12 year member of the group and longtime friend and colleague had just lost her job because the company eliminated her department/division.  Within minutes two other individuals stood up and declared that something similar had happened to them 3 years ago.  Each explained that they used the opportunity of job loss to form their own independent small business becoming their own boss.  Each reports doing well today and happier then ever. 

When we are in the depths of despair and worrying about the future, GREEN can remind us of the above stories and of the opportunities that abound when life takes such an expected “downturn.”

Five ways GREEN can help fuel the UPTURN after the DOWNTURN

1.    Optimists are OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS. USE Green to symbolize the opportunity for new growth, personal development and re-birth. 

• TRY this practical application:  Get a crisp dollar bill and a black, thin tipped, magic marker and write BOLDLY across the “greenback” one or two new opportunities you will begin to explore in the next two weeks; frame it and hang it in a prominent place.  When that OPPORTUNITY has been explored fully, take the dollar bill out and put it in your wallet; it is still worth a dollar.  Take out another dollar bill and repeat the process for another OPPORTUNITY.

2.    Optimists focus on PROCESS GOALS which they control through EFFORT.  USE the Chicago River which is dyed GREEN on St. Patrick’s Day to symbolize the PROCESS of a river FLOWING.  

• TRY this practical application.  Get a green marker or crayon and a sheet of white paper.  Draw the outline of the river laterally across the page with the green marker.  Now, still using the green marker, fill in the river with key words or phrases that describe ten PROCESS GOALS that you are currently working on.

3.    Optimists take on TOUGH CHALLENGES.  USE Green to symbolize the tough challenge of maintaining an eco-friendly earth.  We are now able to search for “green products” and “green certified” individuals, professionals and businesses, meaning they engage in eco-friendly practices. 

• TRY this practical application.  First think of “tough challenges” that you have taken on in the past that have involved the color green.  For example, running in a cross country race across a green field, keeping your garden free of weeds, or taking the extra time to recycle “green glass” bottles.  Now take a paper wrapper or cardboard container from an eco-friendly product and make a list of these past “tough challenges.”

4.    Optimists actively us their IMAGINATIONS.   Use a green shamrock or four leaf clover to symbolize the POWER of DREAMS to guide us to NEW levels of BEING. 

• TRY this practical application.  Purchase a Shamrock or Four Leaf Clover replica or cut a picture of one out of a magazine.  Take out a three by five card or piece of note paper and write down one to three “big dreams” you have about some aspect of your personal or professional future.  Place the list on your desk or dresser and put the Shamrock or Four Leaf Clover on it to hold the list in place.

5.    Optimists MAKE IT HAPPEN.  USE some green object or possession past or present that symbolizes for you the YES I CAN/MAKE IT HAPPEN SPIRIT. 

• TRY this practical application. Identify some green objects that serve as such symbols for you and make a list of the specific aspects of that object that imbue that positive spirit in you.  For me, the green objects that most remind me of the “can-do-spirit” are my very first “new” car and my current car.  My very first new car was a 1968, forest green, Plymouth Roadrunner with a 383 Hemi engine. It had a five speed standard transmission (known as a “stick” shift).  The aspects of that car that remind me of CAN-DO: a) I was in control of when to shift gears, and 2) I could “lay rubber” for a quarter mile with a quick “pop” of the clutch and the accelerator pressed all the way to the floor.  My current car is much tamer, a forest green, Chevrolet Suburban.  While an automatic, it has 3 types of “four wheel drive” along with a gas saving rear wheel drive.  I can take this car more places, fill it with more stuff, and tow more weight behind than any other automobile on the road.  I can make just about anything happen!!!

 


By Dr. Russ,

The Chronic Complainer

Are you tired of being around employees and coworkers who are chronic complainers?  Nothing is ever right or good enough for them.  These individuals are not offering constructive criticism, but rather VENT about what they don’t like while making it clear they feel hopeless and helpless about there “negative lot.”  They appear and act unhappy.

After awhile we can get quite tired of listening to such a person on a daily basis.  Our level of moment-to-moment optimism gets diminished upon the mere citing of them in the hallway, meeting or lunch room.

What to Do?

I am frequently asked what to do about such individuals?  Here are eight strategies you might try to eliminate or diminish their chronic negativity.  To maintain your own optimism treat each strategy as a “process” not “outcome” goal.  There are no guarantees any strategy will work with any particular individual, but at least we can try!!!!!

Eight Optimism Strategies for the Negative Nay Saying Employee or Coworker

{To generate these eight strategies I have taken the word COMPLAIN and used each letter to generate a specific optimism strategy}

C - CLARIFICATION – While attending to the negative epistles with an air of detachment, take a moment to rephrase the complaint or concern in your own words, i.e., attempt to paraphrase the concern by saying: “OK, I hear you saying that you are upset about . . .”  Sometimes realizing the complaint has been heard quiets them down.

O - OPENNESS – Empathize by saying something like: “Whew! That is tough problem you have there.”  “I can’t really think of anything more challenging.”  “The closest I’ve ever come to experiencing that is . . . and your situation seems much more difficult.”

M – MISSION – Ask how addressing the negative will improve the company image and mission or detract from it.

P - POSITIVITY – Play the Dr Russ Buss Glad About That Game.  Ask: a) Can you think of something worse happening or that could have happened? b) How can we turn that negative into a positive? Or c) What is the “Golden Opportunity” in that scenario.

L – LOOKING ELSWHERE – The old adage the “misery loves company” is only partially true.  In the early 1970’s social psychologists discovered a deeper truth about ‘misery:’ “misery only likes miserable company.”  What if you find your “miserable” employee trying to recruit other coworkers to the misery bandwagon?  Remember it only takes one bad apple in the barrel to. . .  According to Jay Goltz, owner of five businesses in the Chicago area with really happy employees, it may be necessary to talk to the unhappy employees (one on one) and recommend they go elsewhere as this company is obviously not a good “match” for them.

A – ACCEPTANCE – Reduce your frustration by accepting that you cannot control how they VIEW the world.  Say to yourself, “they are entitled to their opinion just like those who write in the OP ED section of the newspaper.”  Then walk away.

I - INNOVATION – Try to use the complaint as a springboard to new and creative ideas.  Remember problems go in search of solutions, most of the time.

N - NON-REACTIVITY – The more you are able to maintain a calm, quiet, and non-reactive demeanor the more you shut off the possibility that the nay-sayer is getting a “kick out of the emotional reactions people have to the negativity.”  Hence, without the reward of such attention the nay-saying may decrease.

 By Dr. Russ

Monday is Dr. Russ Busster Day when I issue TIPS to "BUSSTERIZE" any pessimism standing in the way of maximizing your optimism in the week ahead.  Today’s Busster's are drawn from the optimistic opportunity to make your predictions about which teams will win in the NCAA 2010 Men’s Basketball Tournament.

Yesterday, the NCAA tournament brackets were announced for a field of 65 teams that will compete for a National Title over the next 3 weeks. Every newspaper in America has a full page insert listing the brackets. 

We are all invited to make our predictions about which teams will win in each round.  We have the opportunity to enter an office or family pool.

Ten NCAA Basketball Bracket Filler Bussters

1.    No need to worry, “Just forget about perfection.”  You have a one in 9 quadrillion chance of completing the bracket perfectly (i.e., picking the winner of every game).  You have a better chance of picking the winner of every U.S.  Presidential race through 2256.
2.    Really want to win? Then be very strategic and always pick the lower seed which will make you right 87% to 90% of the time. 
3.    "What fun is picking the lower seed," you ask?  It probably isn’t fun unless you simply want to win the office pool.  If you want to have fun, you will have to pick a few upsets and TAKE A RISK.  You can at least have some fun in thinking you are smarter than the experts.
4.    Tune out the Pundits and the Nay-sayers who accuse the NCAA selection committee of making mistakes in rankings and bracket placements.  These sportscasters are on the outside looking in.  I wonder how their attitude would change if they were on the inside looking out.
5.    Underdogs do win. A “perfect” seeding would mean that the Final Four would be composed of all four number one seeds which has occurred only once in tournament history, March 30, 2008.
6.    Jim Valvano’s “Cardiac Kids” from North Carolina State came from behind to beat Houston to win the NCAA championship game in 1983; one of the great Cinderella stories in tournament history.  At the end, Valvano ran all over the court looking for someone to hug.  For optimistic inspiration check out this two and a half minute video summary of the game. 
7.    Turn to another NCAA feel good story.  Al McGuire announced his retirement from college basketball coaching during the 1977 season.  His Marquette team, clear underdogs in the NCAA tournament, rewarded their coach who had come so close so often with his only NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament Championship.
8.    Have some fun, be a “homer” and pick your favorite team.  As you fill out your bracket, imagine and visualize the wins, better yet a few upsets, all the way to winning the championship.  Just remember not to wager a lot of money.
9.    FUN is the operative word as you get a chance to interact with friends, family and coworkers around a three week event that serves as a KEY distraction from everyday problems of life.
10.    You can of course eliminate all worry from your “bracketology” exercise by filling out multiple bracket entries, one by the seeding, one for the “homer,” one by your seven year old, one by your intuition,  and one by coin flips.