Moment-to-Moment Optimism

By Dr. Russ,

When a person completes our optimism self-assessment questionnaire they are asked questions about optimism across various domains or roles of life.  The first domain is one’s personal view outside of any given role; perception of self as a person in general.  In addition to this general role which might be equated with a “sense of self-worth,” we can take on an optimistic or pessimistic perspective in a variety of life’s roles.

These role domains include the view we have of ourselves in any of the following areas including: at work, in a career, being a student, playing a sport, communicating with a spouse, as family member, in social settings, and maintaining our health, fitness and wellness.

For example, an individual may operate very well in the “optimistic zone” at work, e.g., easily letting go of a negative and taking on failure as an opportunity to learn while focusing on “doing the next right thing.”  However when it comes to living a healthy lifestyle that same individual may get on the scale once a week, note the lack of weight loss, and say to him or herself, “What’s the point? I might as well eat whatever I want whenever I want. At least with a diet of chocolate and potato chips, I will be happier.”

Such gaps may be obvious to someone, but sometimes the gap exists in a blind spot.  A number of years ago I was working with a couple that was having some difficulties in their relationship.  Though not married, they were in a serious relationship and wanted to try to fix some interpersonal difficulties that had kept them from a formal engagement.  At one point, I was talking to them about the use of certain key listening and negotiation skills.  When I got done explaining what these skills were, they said: “Oh, we know all about those skills since we teach them to our business students.”  I said: “Then why aren’t you using these to help build your relationship.”  Incredibly, they said: “We never thought of that.”

Once they uncovered the blind spot, they were able to quickly close the gap in their relational optimism.

Another kind of gap is the “time gap.”  Sometimes, we might go a half day, a day or two or more “accentuating the positive, eliminating the negative, and not messin’ around at all with Mr. /Ms. In-Between.”  Then, we come upon a period of time whether for a few hours, days or more when we are gripped by that “sticky pessimism.”

I was recently quite encouraged to hear from someone who was learning to fine tune their optimism for each and every moment of the day.  She informed me she had been stuck in traffic on the interstate and when she saw the road sign that said: “Construction Next Four Miles,” she felt annoyed and irritated.  Then drawing upon her “moment-to-moment” optimism skills she realized how much better it would be if the road commission would write the sign this way: “Construction ends in four miles.”

Now it is time to take stock of your “optimism gaps.”  Make a list of four to six domains or roles of life that are currently important to you such as job, husband, father, networker, assistant Little League baseball coach, and living a healthy lifestyle.  Now, for each role ask yourself these five “optimism screener” questions:  Can I:

1) Let go of a negative in a few minutes,

2) Almost always focus on something controllable,

3) Stay in the “creative zone,

4) Be excited about trying out a new idea, and

5) Focus on the next step and not on how others will view success or failure.

Learning to assess and bridge the “time gap” will be the subject of another post.

To begin to learn how to bridge these “life role gaps” in optimism scroll through ten or more of the three hundred plus articles that now exist in “Moment-to-Moment Optimism.”  Don’t want to scroll?  Click on the “search” option and enter a term such as “relationships.”



Jackie Monroe presents the Optimism Tip of the Week video:

By Dr. Russ

Chilean Miner Optimism

Last week I wrote about possible lessons of optimism to be learned from the "good news" disaster story of 33 Chilean miners found alive. In that post, I suggested nine strategies of “skilled” optimism to deal with the reality of waiting until Christmas to be rescued from their cell 2,257 feet below ground.

These strategies were: Setting clear expectations, using moment-to-moment survival tactics, structuring-up the days, regular family contact, thinking outside the box, getting through the day, meal planning, and finding ways to feel useful and productive.

Boring!!!

Nevertheless, it is hard to imagine sitting in an underground cell, even one the size of a cavern, with only artificial light, a twice a week phone/video chat with family, card games, some books to read and even some kind of internet access for 120 days and nights without going “stark raving mad.”  Just filling the time with interesting activities may not be enough to sustain optimism or sanity under these conditions.

What is a Gift of Optimism?

I asked someone recently:  If someone were to give you a “Gift of Optimism,” what might such a gift be.  She replied: “A positive outlook.”  I agreed that would be a nice gift, but not enough to sustain these miners till Christmas.

You might ask: “What if a miner hears that his wife gave birth to their 1^st child with even a video clip of mother and baby; isn’t that a gift of optimism?”  I would answer: "No, that is a gift of JOY.”  Such news could even lead to negative feelings associated with not being able to be there now or in the near future; an unintended gift of pessimism.

The miners have already received the Gift of HOPE when they were found alive and well 17 days after their entrapment.

Can a Negative Event be a Gift of Optimism?

Yes. Sometimes a negative event can be a gift of optimism as when Michael J. Fox made his Parkinson’s disease the beginning of a new calling in life.  I suggested in last week’s post that the miners be told the “downside” of the time parameters of their rescue.  The most often time frame mentioned is four months.  Some experts have suggested it could be done in thirty days.  Giving the miners some kind of reasonable expectation for time to rescue will avoid false expectations and the onset of irritability, mistrust and even pessimism.

A Real Gift of Optimism – The Chance to Be Productive!

In my final suggestion for Chilean Miner Optimism from last week’s post, I reminded the readers that “these guys have been, and can continue to be, resourceful." The GIFT OF OPTIMISM now delivered is the chance to be productive and to be able to take “round the clock” meaningful action on behalf of their own rescue.

Turns out the rescue tunnel has begun with a 6 inch diameter shaft that will have to be gradually widened by at least 6 times that size.  As they drill these wider and wider passages, rock debris will fall into the miner’s cavern and will need to be cleared away for more to fall.  The miners will need to form round the clock shifts to complete this task.  Now, they will not just be “passing time” waiting for rescue, they have a chance to play a part in the outcome of their destiny!!!

It is my belief that the greatest source of optimism is the chance to make a meaningful and productive contribution to one’s own growth and development, work, family, and/or community, and destiny.

If the miners are busy helping themselves, they become an active part of the solution and will have no problem knowing it might take till Christmas.  And, the faster and more efficiently they clear the rock debris the more likely it could be Thanksgiving or sooner.  WITH THIS GIFT, pessimism--even with their knowing how long it might take-- has been prevented.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

By Dr. Russ

Monday is Dr. Russ Busster Day.  It is the day I offer up TIPS to help BUSST-UP any pessimism you might face this week.  Everyday over the last week, the nightly news broadcasts have not let us forget that the five year anniversary one of the deadliest hurricanes in the history of the United States.  The media have also aired many resurrection and rebuilding stories honed from the optimism of “The Spirit of New Orleans.”

While the hurricane Katrina traveled slightly east of New Orleans on August 29, 2005 it was the storm surge and the subsequent breakdown of the levees and dykes that caused most of the damage.  Five years later, the rebuilding process goes on and the hope of rebirth and new beginnings is now replaced with the optimism of making these dreams come true.

Last night I had the opportunity to attend a lecture by Dave Eggers, author of the national bestseller Zeitoun.  Zeitoun is the Katrina survival story of a Syrian man and his family who were then and continue to be residents of New Orleans.

While Zeitoun sent his wife and family out of state to the safety of relatives, he stayed behind to try to save the family home and business. While he was at it, he managed to rescue quite a few people and dogs that otherwise would have perished.

Zeitoun’s survival story, however, was not just about canoeing through the flooded streets doing good deeds. It is also about surviving the fear and pessimism that gripped the city and national news with ever more sensational stories: how the City of New Orleans had fallen into social chaos and was now at the mercy of rampant lawlessness - thieves, rapists, and murderers.

According to Eggers, the rumor, innuendo and vastly overblown negative stories led the authorities to believe that the New Orleans Convention Center contained over four hundred dead bodies.  At the time for evacuation of the Convention Center, 400 body bags were brought to the entrance.  Instead authorities found six corpses and one man who had shot himself in the foot with his own gun.

At the height of this mayhem mindset, Zeitoun and three of his friends were arrested in a house he owned and then taken to makeshift prisons; never receiving any normal due process rights.  Turns out, Zeitoun was a “skilled optimist” and with the help of his very assertive and driven wife, and a missionary who listened, Zeitoun was released after surviving three weeks in this Kafka-esque nightmare.

Dr. Russ Bussters from Eggers' Story of Zeitoun

1. There are two kinds of fear: REAL and MADE-UP.  Made-up fear is much worse; lets the imagination run rampant with pessimism, and leads to greater anxiety and beliefs about hopelessness and helplessness.
2. Real fear is almost always directly proportional to the inherent danger and usually leads us to take appropriate and rational action to overcome the impending peril.  On his first day canoeing the streets of his New Orleans neighborhood, Zeitoun heard a woman crying for help.   Upon further exploration, he found her in the second story of her home, head just above water up against the ceiling.  At 80 years old and weighing 200 pounds, he knew he couldn’t save her in his canoe.  After a brief search he found two men in a fishing boat willing to help. 
3. Made-up fear is almost always out of proportion to the reality of the danger; usually resulting in catastrophic thinking and an overestimation of alarm by two or ten times more than the reality.  Zeitoun, stranded in New Orleans without electricity or access to radio to TV news, had no idea how vastly exaggerated the fears of social breakdown had become.  All he could see was people trying to survive and help others.
4. After Zeitoun had saved the woman above along with five others that first day of canoeing, he felt empowered, that his life had some real purpose.  He stayed in the city to continue to help.  Zeitoun’s experience teaches us once again that optimism is enhanced in any given moment when we find a moment or two in a day to help another.
5. If we take time to listen, we learn.  A major theme of Dave Eggers lecture last evening was about how important it was for him to just listen to Zeitoun, Kathy his wife, and other players that had a role in the unfolding Katrina events as they told their story, their way without a lot of questioning, direction and redirection.

{Michigan State University and East Lansing, Michigan are featuring Dave Eggers, Zeitoun, in its “One Book, One Community” annual program that encourages, “the city-university community to come together and discuss” the book in a variety of settings over the course of the next month.  For more about the scheduled events click on: Zeitoun.}



By: Bill Nurmi, of The Diary of a Struggling Optimist

Tilt-o-Whirl of emotions and another closed door

It appears my emotions go in cycles.  This could simply be just that they do in fact go in cycles, or it could be because when one has been at a job search or difficult task for this long, every emotion known to modern man has been felt so they inevitably have to repeat themselves!  Perhaps that latter is more plausible.  

The job that I spoke of last week has been taken.  I was unaware that when I had submitted my resume somebody had already been extended an offer.  I wish they would have told me that an offer had been extended, and if that offer was declined I would be progressed further, but that wasn’t the case. I guess that is fine, it’s not my business. The HR person was very polite though and sent me an email saying as much, which is more than I can say for most.  Why can’t they all be like this? This time the rejection was easier to handle.  It could be because I was late on getting my resume in to the HR department. It could be because I am getting thicker skin.   Why it is different in my head this time, I do not know; but it’s easier to handle so I am going to just go with it. 

Working with at least one “definite”

I am thinking again about moving out of town. It’s like I am an apprehensive early pioneer, contemplating the move westward to “success” over and over. Just do it, or don’t Nurmi; for goodness sake!  One thing is certain; I am moving out of my current townhouse no later than April 15^th of 2011, so it really starts me thinking about the possibility of leaving Lansing once again.  I have been facing that my current townhouse lease will be ending on April 15^th of 2011, though this certainly left some open options and I had not chosen any of them thus, leaving things wide open.  This week I have chosen, and signed a contract that I will move out when that time comes.

I am not sure where I am going to go at that point, whether it is stay here in Lansing, or once I am moving, just leaving the area all together.  It would make little sense to move into a new place here in Lansing and then leave town months later; I am not a Bedouin nomad! If I am making a move, I might as well make it somewhere that is going to have a reasonable amount of longevity. 

The comfort and terror of deadlines

Day to day, nothing will change in my life until April, though emotionally I have a tangible end date to my living situation which adds the anxiety of a deadline. Deadlines always come rushing at me so fast. It’s like I am skydiving: if I am in the airplane I know I am going to do it but I am still in the plane. Once I jump, however, the ground is rushing at me over 120 mph and there is certainly and an “end point.” The sure-fire way to make time pass very quickly is to set a deadline.  I think, “What if I have no job and no place to go at that point? Oh my God, I am going to be homeless!!”  Well, this is not going to be the case. I am over dramatizing here, but you get the point.  I would never be homeless due to the fact that I am fortunate to have a great support system of family and friends.  I do not want to have to live with any of them though!

This week I have also sent a resume into a company for a job in the … let’s just say the real estate field for now.  I don’t want to get too much into the field of the job this week.  It would not be a long-term job; it would perhaps be a temporary financial move to get cash flow, which I have discussed before, of course.  I will keep you posted on what becomes of it.

How to focus the job search from here

So, we are back to the question of “Where?”  I am considering moving to Madison Heights where I know someone who is looking for a roommate.  The question now is: do I go as early as the first of the year? Should I focus exclusively on that area and let Lansing take 2^nd priority with regards to the job search efforts? If I “give up” on Lansing, I might as well move now; but if I keep the focus on Lansing I will not have things lined up for when I move! What came first, the chicken or the egg?!! 

I know that I do not have to make the decision to move this week, and I also know that the answers will become more clear within the coming weeks and short months until the end of this year (yes, I just said the end of the year!).  I suppose in a way I am excited about the fact that a year from now, I will look back and say, “Why was I worried?! Things turned out fine!”  I need to breathe and relax and see what comes of the close of 2010.

BN

William Henry Nurmi II has a bachelor’s degree from Michigan State University and a MBA from the University of Phoenix. Bill has a background in operations management, logistics, and sales. Bill is an avid bicyclist and is a volunteer on the board of directors at the Mission of Hope Cancer Fund. He lives in Lansing, MI and is currently seeking new employment while serving as a Post-Graduate and Career Transition Fellow of Optimism with Moment-to-Moment Enterprises.  Bill’s Fellowship project entails writing about optimism and providing advice and consultation on marketing, sales, and new program development.  Today’s post is the thirty-sitxth in a series that Bill is writing under the title: “The Diary of a Struggling Optimist.”