Moment-to-Moment Optimism

By Dr. Russ

Monday is Dr. Russ Busster Day.  It is the day I write about OPTIMISTIC TIPS to "BUSST-UP" any pessimism standing in your way at the beginning of the week. Today I draw on the New Orleans Saints victory in Super Bowl XLIV for optimistic inspiration and wisdom.  For an overview and introduction to “Super Bowl Optimism” check out my mini-blog at Life in Lansing.

TEN SUPER BUSSTERS

1. Vince Lombardi Trophy Busster – “I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.” ~ Vince Lombardi

2. “Ain’ts” Busster – Those who have failed, failed again and learn to fail better learn not to take teasing and ridicule personally.  Instead, they learn to take it as feedback that there is much to be done and accomplished.  Ridicule is born of strong emotion, indicating somebody cares and is emotionally invested in desire for improvement.

3. Katrina Busster – The Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. teaches that, “Only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.”  Call the Saints the “Hurricane Comeback Kids.”  A “Skilled Optimist” has learned that opportunity for the “greatest of gains” only occurs when life seems to be at its “darkest hour.” Those who see and seek such opportunity in such moments draw on previously untapped motivational reserves, acquire new skills, persist longer than ever before, and able to keep a sharp focus on attaining the previously thought to be impossible goals.

4. Brees Busster – “We just believed in ourselves and we knew that we had an entire city and maybe an entire country behind us.” (Quarterback Drew Brees quoted by Barry Wilner, Associated Press).  In addition to inspiring great individual dedication, a disaster like Katrina often inspires new collaborative efforts and belief that everyone was out to help New Orleans survive and thrive.

5. Two Point Conversion Busster – Coach Sean Payton took the risk of calling for a two point conversion after Jeremy Shockey’s touchdown so the Saints would be up by seven points requiring a the Colts to score a touchdown and extra point just to tie. At first Lance Moore’s 2 point conversion catch was ruled incomplete, but Payton “challenged” calling for a video replay review.  Upon review, the incomplete pass call was overturned and two points awarded.  The “skilled optimist” knows when to take on the challenge and what is a reasonable risk.

6. Onside Kick Busster – At the beginning of the second half Saints Coach Payton became a role model for an “Optimistic Risk Taker” when he called for an onside kick to start the second half.  He told the team, “You’ve got to make me look good on this . . . that really becomes like a turnover.”  The “risk” worked and New Orleans not Indianapolis” began on the “offensive” side of the ball.  A “skilled optimist” is not afraid of “risk” and with practice over time becomes quite good at “risk taking.”

7. Sean Payton Busster – This “never-before-a-head-coach” coach provides inspiration that the impossible is doable; a 3 and 13 team can become an NFL Division champion the next year - three years after that a “Super Bowl Champion.” More importantly he has inspired an “optimistic” culture within the organization, a culture focused on hard work, responsibility and accountability.  He rebuilt the roster with coaches and players who shared those values. Only eight players remain from the 2005 “Ain’ts.”

8. Paper Bag Busster – Resilience to the ridicule of derogatory name calling is one thing, but resilience to being actively ignored and treated as if “does not exist” takes incredible stamina.  In the 1990’s “disgusted with losing” fans could have shown their complete disdain for the team by not “showing up.”  No, that would have been too easy on everyone.  Instead they showed their displeasure with the symbolic act of wearing a paper bag over their head at the game.   I’m sure such truth hurt, but it likely forced the Saint’s owners out of complacency and toward an ultimate “fix.”

9. Superdome Busster – The Superdome stands as a monument to the “optimism” of the architectural do-over.  Its near destruction by Katrina resulted in re-building an even better venue for sports; now a larger than life symbol of the “never say die spirit” proving that self-reinvention and rebirth are not only possible but preferable to the status quo.

10. “Who Dat” Busster – Making and poking fun at yourself is one of the higher forms of “skilled optimism.”  – “Who dat, who dat, who dat say gonna beat them saints,” became the Saints fans rally cry as they made fun of their own Creole language heritage.  When we can poke fun at ourselves we show we are capable of the highest form of self-worth.

By Dr. Russ,

In this Dr. Russ Buss Week in Review, I share some of my moment-to-moment struggles to maintain my "Optimistic Stamina" frustrated by the gloom and doom of this shortened, nay lengthened, month of February.

The first week of February is over, with 3 more to go.  Despite my own advice to find ways to get through this month with a positive view intact, I am already struggling; fighting off a daily sense of February pessimism – how will I get through this month?

I do have to remind myself that, for me, getting through this first week is usually tougher than I think it should be because it is the anniversary of my father’s death.  After 11 years, the sub-conscious and subjective grief experience still affects my moment-to-moment emotional state.

I said FOCUS on fun, festivals, and football.  Today is the Super Bowl. Am I to believe that memories of the game and the array of “Super Bowl” ads are really going to sustain me until Valentines Day?  I’m not going to be doing anything special on Valentine’s anyway. Mardi Gras might be next, but I am not going to be in New Orleans.  FOCUS isn’t working for me, right now.

Inspirational quotes are wonderful, and I hope you are feeling more inspired by these than I am right at the moment.  “Failure” is not on my mind, but the daily struggle to keep making progress seems like I am walking through a mud bog.

Humph! Mud bog.  The family was sailing the backwaters of the Jersey Shore town, Stone Harbor, there were little inlets, lots of shallow water, and no wind.  We ran aground.

• “Rusty” (my childhood nickname to differentiate me from my Dad for whom I was named) "why don’t you get out and tow the boat?" I stepped into “high ankle” high mud, threw a rope over my shoulder, and began pulling the boat though the shallows; took about an hour before we got back to sailable water.  Not much fun, but we had some laughs and did get home that night.  Is the frustration of maintaining February “optimism” really more challenging than that the “mud bog?”

A high point of the week was sharing my TIP of the WEEK; my struggles with “failure” and attempts to deal with it during the college years.  “Failure;” now there is another word that ought to be eliminated from the dictionary of “optimism.”  I had fun creating the “Wizard of Pessimism” character.  He/she will be back.

If I knew that a couple out there rally read, studied, practiced and used one or more of the “Seven Positive Communication Skills of Highly Effective Couples,” I would have a very “high” moment of “optimism” erasing much of the February pessimism.

I suppose I could keep watching the Down’s Syndrome Grocery Store bagger video over and over, feel teary eyed, and then think that the mission to spread optimism is “worthwhile;” a nice, but temporary feeling. 

I’m beginning to feel a little like our “Struggling Optimist” who took the week off; maybe subconsciously I am trying to reflect the message that maintaining optimism requires “optimistic stamina;” constant work and practice to keep-up and develop the “skill.”




By Dr. Russ,

Every once in awhile a reader sends me some material that strikes me as so compelling that I find I must share it with the entire readership of Moment-to-Moment Optimism.  Today, I refer you to a brief, but very inspiring video, about how a young adult with Down’ syndrome took a simple idea, made it personal, and had a huge impact on the daily optimism of those he “touched."

A bagger with Down’s syndrome at a large supermarket listened carefully to the speech of the consultant hired to improve customer service and loyalty.  He heard her say that everyone can make a difference by creating memories for the customers that will motivate them to come back.

About a month after her speech, she got a call from 19 year old Johnny the bagger with Down’s.  He said at first he couldn’t think of anything special as he was just a bagger.  What could a bagger do?

Then, he said an idea came to him.  Every night after work he would look for an inspirational thought for the day, and with Dad’s help made multiple copies of the message on the computer.  He cut the quotes into small cards and signed his name on the back. He put the message of the day into each customer’s bag.

It wasn’t long before Johnny’s checkout line was three times longer than any other.  When the store manager tried to open up new lanes the customers stood pat saying they wanted Johnny’s “thought for the day.”

To see the rest of the story and to see how Johnny’s simple act of wanting to make a difference transformed the culture of the store form one of ordinary to one of extraordinary OPTIMISM : click on the link and view the short video: "Johnny's Story."



By Dr. Russ

With Valentine’s Day less than two weeks away, I thought it would be TIMELY to focus on POSITIVE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS that form the foundation for an OPTIMISTIC RELATIONSHIP.

Optimistic relationships are created and maintained by a complex interplay of attitudes and behaviors about and toward the self and others; namely POSITIVE INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION BEHAVIORS.

In today’s post I identify and illustrate:

The Seven Positive Communication Skills of Highly Optimistic Couples

1.    Do use descriptive, specific and non-judgmental words and do avoid judgmental, global and loaded terms:
•    “did not complete a task” ~ VERSUS ~ “lazy, good for nothing”
•    “only bought items for yourself”~ VERSUS ~ “self-involved”
•    “verbalized complaints about having to visit mother-in-law” ~ VERSUS ~  “childish whiner”
•    “didn’t get out of your chair to help with the dishes” ~ VERSUS ~ “uncooperative”
•    “forgot our wedding anniversary” ~ VERSUS ~ “thoughtless”
•    “did not balance the checkbook” ~ VERSUS ~ “helpless”
2.    Do take personal responsibility by using an “I” message; avoid the blame and accusation of the “You always . . .” message. 
•    I-message: “I feel sad and alone when you come home late.” ~VERSUS ~
•    You-message:  “It is clear you don’t care about me when you come late.”
•    I-message: “When you spend so much time on the computer, I feel unattended too.” ~ VERSUS ~
•    You-message: “You love that computer more than you love me.”
3.    Focus on the present problem and avoid old history.
•    “I had hoped you were going to empty the dishwasher before I got home; what can I do to help you get that chore done?”~ VERSUS ~
•     “I am sick and tired of you leaving everything to me around here.  You never lift a finger to help with anything.  All you ever do is sit around and watch football.  Why, last Thanksgiving you didn’t lift a finger to help with anything. And I’ll never forget when you . . ." and so on and so on.
4.    Make positive or self-referent comparisons; avoid negative comparisons.
•    “I really appreciate how much effort you have gone to over the last week to tell me what you are appreciating about me.” ~ VERSUS ~
•     “You’re just like your father who never complimented your mother about anything.”
5.    Ask for help and collaboration and avoid threats.
•    “I could really use you’re help and support at my sister’s house this weekend.” ~ VERSUS ~
•    “If you don’t come with me to my sister’s place this weekend, you can forget about me joining you at your brother's for his birthday next month.”
6.    DESCRIBE feelings in low or normal volume rather than ATTACK with them in a loud, yelling and intimidating voice.
•    “I was quite annoyed to get home from my out of town trip and find no toilet paper in the house (normal voice).” ~ VERSUS ~
•    “YOU TICK ME OFF!!!  I can’t believe you didn’t notice we were out of toilet paper (loud, yelling voice).”
7.    Keep body language open and receptive instead of closed and “stand-offish.” 
•    Do make eye contact as opposed to looking down or away. 
•    Do keep your face relaxed as opposed to tightened jaw, frowning and squinting. 
•    Do keep your arms down at your side as opposed to crossed in an angry posture. 
•    Do nod and smile while listening as opposed to maintaining a deadpan look.


By Dr. Russ

Today is Just One Thing Day.  It is the day I answer the oft asked question:  Please, please Dr. Russ, tell us one more thing for another moment of OPTIMISM.  It is the day I issue the TIP OF THE WEEK. 

Tip of the Week: Failure only occurs when you stop trying and make it so.

In today’s post, I introduce a new passenger on the Dr. Russ Buss "bus," The Wizard of Pessimism.  I am pleased to have the Wizard of P along for the ride because she (or is it a he?) is frequently doubting and questioning the "optimistic wizardry" of Dr. Russ Buss.  Having to answer the Wizard of P’s many questions allows me to sharpen my message and improve my “optimistic wizardry.”

Here is how a recent conversation went between Dr. Russ Buss and the Wizard of Pessimism regarding the validity of this week’s TIP.

Wizard of P: Ok, Dr. Russ Buss, what if I get an F on a test; isn’t that a failure?
Dr. Russ Buss: Not if you keep trying to learn the material for a test re-do, the final exam or out of pure interest.
Wizard of P:  Did you ever fail a college class?
Dr. Russ Buss: No, and Yes. No – In my freshman year, I failed a calculus class, but the following summer I attended two summer sessions and took two calculus classes obtaining and A and a B.  I kept trying and therefore never failed.
Wizard of P: So what’s the YES of the story?
Dr. Russ Buss:  In my sophomore year, I enrolled in a third level calculus class which began at a much more advanced level than where the second summer class had ended.  I was taking it as an overload course, thought I didn’t have time to get caught up, got discouraged and stopped going to class, didn’t try to work something out with the professor, and took an F. In that case I made the failure so.
Wizard of P: I see, you are saying that as long as you keep working on the task or goal, failure is not possible.
Dr. Russ Buss: Correct!  Are you familiar with the Crazy Horse Memorial?
Wizard of P: You mean that huge statue of the famous Oglala Lakota warrior riding a horse?
Dr. Russ Buss: Yes. Do you know much about its history?
Wizard of P: No, not much more than it will be bigger than any other sculpture at Mt. Rushmore.
Dr. Russ Buss: In 1948 sculptor Korczak Ziolkowski began carving the statue out of the mountain, and it is still under construction even though Ziolkowski died in 1982.
Wizard of P: What happened then?
Dr. Russ Buss:  Ziolkowski’s wife and ten children carried on the project, now owned by the Crazy Horse memorial Foundation.  In 1998, the face of Crazy Horse was completed and dedicated.
Wizard of P: And today?
Dr. Russ Buss: The work goes on.  There is no deadline for completion and Ziolkowski’s legacy is that as long as work is being done on it, failure is not possible!!!
Wizard of P: Good story, but let’s turn to sports.  Sorry to tell you this Dr. Russ Buss, but if you lose the Super Bowl, the World Series or the Final Four, you have lost and therefore failed.
Dr. Russ Buss: Nice try, doubting Wizard.  It is only a failure if you make it so.  Sure the losing team feels disappointed and low and thinks, “What did I do wrong?” But, it is not a failure as long as the team re-examines the game, watches video replays, and tries to draw on the loss as an opportunity to learn.
Wizard of P:  What about the person who won “Biggest Loser” but then gains all the weight back?  Isn’t he/she a failure?
Dr. Russ Buss: Only when he stops trying to lose the weight.  And then, it is likely only a temporary failure until she re-starts a new health and wellness program.
Wizard of P:  OK, Dr. Russ Buss, let’s go back to that third level calculus failure because I think I’ve got you in “optimism-pessimism checkmate.”  You admit to a failure there, right?
Dr. Russ Buss: Not so fast my “pessimistic sidekick,” it was only a failure in third level calculus, but it turned out to be a major success of my life.
Wizard of P: What? Now I think you are blowing a lot of that “optimistic hot air,” and I am not riding in that balloon!!
Dr. Russ Buss: Just hear me out, you “nay sayer!” I learned something fundamental about myself from that experience.  I learned I had been following someone else’s dream and pursuing a math/science major that was not my passion.  The calculus failure allowed me the freedom to let go of a “false personal persona” and pursue what I had known (but was afraid to admit) was my passion – Psychology.
Wizard of P: I get it - A failure that starts the beginning of a new path is not a failure, is it.
Dr. Russ Buss: A+ for today’s lesson; GO TO THE FRONT OF THE BUSS!!!